


Resilience

by syusuke



Series: snippets [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brothers, Coping, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e22 Who We Are, Gen, Winchester (Supernatural) Coping Mechanisms, being heroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syusuke/pseuds/syusuke
Summary: Episode Tag: S12E22 - Who we areResilience is a bitch. It takes years to build up and years to tear it down. Even if you feel it being crashed - you can't stop it. You feel the inevitable fall coming closer - and you can't stop it. So you hold on - as long as you can.





	Resilience

„Why are you laughing?“

Sam couldn’t quite see what amused his brother.

Dean kept laughing. In his head he rapidly progressed through his key memories. Running out of a burning house with a baby in his arms, first time he saw his dad drunk and only narrowly avoided getting hit, waiting anxiously in a shabby motel room when John was overdue and they slowly ran out of food money, almost getting killed by a werewolf, argueing with John to let Sam study, secretly sending Sam money and the big argument when John found out, turning up in front of Sam’s door, practically dragging Sam out of his burning flat, giving the keys to Baby to his younger brother when the doctors told him he didn’t have long…

“It’s just… the legendary Winchesters. These hunters admire us, but I would… well, it doesn’t matter. They don’t know half the shit we went through.”

He laughed again, almost hysterically. He’d do anything to change a few things in his past. His loved ones died one after another, all except for Sam. Mom, Dad, Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Kevin, Charlie… and even Cas. One of the most powerful beings he ever met, died. While protecting him. They all died while protecting him and Sam. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Each death, each failure, was tearing him apart. His confidence, his flirting, they were his first line of defense. There was no need to explain, no need to be vulnerable, if no one could notice how fucking broken he was. He’d done it for almost his whole life, he was damn good at it. Often enough, he could even trick Sam. His brother knew that he wasn’t the cocky asshole he seemed to be, but they both had their wounds and they had decided long ago not to go there. He couldn’t change the past and he wasn’t good at dealing with it. So what? He tried to forget, or suppress. Alcohol, sex, stupid soap operas. It wasn’t a cure, it was merely prolonging his suffering. He could.. and would never tell Sammy, but he couldn’t count anymore how often he had wanted to die. This life was hard and sometimes he wanted just one thing to be easy. Even if it meant death.

Sam threw one long arm around Dean’s shoulders and pulled him into a side-hug.

“I know, but we can’t tell them. They look up to us, we’re heroes. Maybe we can inspire some and help them to keep fighting.”

“Aw Sammy, you wanna be their hero?”

“Jerk!”

“Bitch.”

If Sam heard his brother’s muffled sobs late in the night, he didn’t mention it. They had to keep going and if Dean needed to let it out, he wouldn’t stop him. If Sam waited till the sobs stopped and then snuck into his brother’s room to crawl in bed with him, Dean didn’t complain. If it was the only way, both of them could sleep peacefully, no one needed to know. Especially not some hunters they hardly knew. They could keep idolizing the Winchesters. It didn’t matter.


End file.
